Straighten your ties, sharpen your pencils and track the speaker.
It’s time for your next edition of Wrestler as Teachers. Last time we outlined our principle, plus teachers for 4 of our major subjects. Today we’ll look at five more. We’re going to take a trip to the past, put you through your fitness steps, make sure you know the basics of the world wide web and much more. So take your seats, have your papers ready and get ready to learn!
History – The Revival
To start with, let’s take it old school. With the style of their wrestling harking back to the days of the original Four Horsemen it’s easy to understand why this duo will take you back on a journey through time. With their no nonsense approach in the ring, it will be easy to picture the brutal battles of Hastings and Waterloo. With it a teaching style that’s in your face, you’re guaranteed not to miss a single word out of your teachers mouths. Don’t mess around in class though. As seen at this year’s Hall of Fame, if you cause problems, you’re bound to end of getting thrown out of class (with ease).
ICT – Chris Brookes
Anyone who follows Chris Brookes on any kind of social media knows this man’s talents at the keyboard. From this photoshop designs for event posters to his constant twitter posts to promote any shows, you are going to become a Master of Information Technology. His merchandise designs are always eye-grabbing, with his t-shirts more than often selling out. That doesn’t come by luck, by years of practice which he will be able to pass on to his loyal students. Plus, we all know how much of a minefield social media is. Not so long-ago Chris was thrown into twitter jail…AND HE ESCAPED! What more proof do you need that Mr Brookes is the best man for the job?
Art – Jeff Hardy
Art takes many forms. Paintings. Sculptures. Body Art. From watching wrestling over the last 20 years, it doesn’t take a genius to notice the creativity that Jeff Hardy processes. It’s been highlighted many times over this period the passion that he holds. Starting from noticing just the simple, yet many different designs of his in-ring face paint, to the highlight packages showing off his skill with a paintbrush, he is able to express himself in many different disciplines. So renowned is his art that he was able to create his own title belt in IMPACT! Wrestling, although the less said about that the better (every artist has their own flunk).
Design & Technology – Jimmy Havoc
Ever watched a Jimmy Havoc Deathmatch. No? I’ll wait here while you do …
…You’re back? Good. Thinking back to my days as a child, I remember the numerous materials we could get to use. Wood, plastic and metal. Don’t forget the tools. Staplers, screwdrivers, cheese graters. Wait there, cheese graters!? Mr Havoc’s lessons will be unlike any other ‘shop’ class you’ll be part of. The materials at your disposal will be endless. Want to make a bin of the darkest of rooms, will just combine the trash can and light tubes from underneath his desk. Need to stick your ideas on a noticeboard, then just borrow his many staplers. Best of all though, if you have a problem with a fellow classmate, then Mr Havoc will gladly let you take the wooden chair from the 80’s you’re sitting on and smash it across the back of that annoying bully. Someone talking too much? Well take those educational posters and give that gobby child give him the worse papercut he’s ever had to the corner of lips.
P.E – Simon Dean (with assistance from the Spirit Squad)
Pull on those leg warmers, tighten those pumps and slip into some short shorts, as our fitness guru is in the building. With this patented Simon System, you’ll be off that sofa and sweating buckets before you can mutter the phrase ‘Only 9.99’. With his proven fitness regime, you can be sure that the future health of our children will be in safe hands. Not only that, he would be able to provide a solid base for different sports such as football, rugby and netball (not forgetting wrestling either). He’s not alone though. P.E is much more than just sports but encompassing past-times like dancing and cheerleading. This is where Simon will be getting a helping hand from your favourite men in green and white, The Spirit Squad. With their years of college cheerleading, every member of the class will be able to execute the most difficult set of turns, flips and lifts with the utmost ease.
So, there we have it, our next five subjects covered. We still have many more subjects to choose from. Do you have an idea for a subject? Can you think of anyone better suited for the subjects above? Comment below or annoy me on twitter. Until next time though, stay in school!
You can find me on Twitter @TDWalton. Thanks for reading.