WWE: Superstars TV Report: 23rd January 2014

This week’s episode of WWE Superstars did its best but coming off the back of that stellar number that Raw did on Monday, they made the show look pretty average.

We kick off with The Bellas in the ring. They’re not great babyfaces, particularly Nikki and she’s stood there this week wearing a baseball cap backwards but is also in full ring gear. It’s not a strong look. If ever you wanted to telegraph interference, I’d say that was the easiest way. Alicia Fox is Brie’s opponent tonight. She never wrestles anymore and is inexplicably now managed by Aksana – or at least she is for the purposes of this match on this show. There’s two Divas they could do without. Fun fact for you from A-Ry: Alicia Fox is the only African American Divas champion in history.

Brie Bella (w/Nikki) v Alicia Fox (w/Aksana)

Brie immediately locks in a single-leg crab until Fox gets to the ropes. Alicia Fox’s hair is really bad now. I seem to remember that she used to be an attractive girl, when she first came in and was involved with Edge. Honestly, here, she looks a mess. Brie hits a back body drop but Fox sends her outside. Fox hits a backbreaker and gets a two count. Then Fox plants a well-executed Northern Lights Suplex into a bridge for a two count.

Fox and Aksana are going nowhere in the company right now. For some reason, getting cut is not in vogue these days in WWE but these two would surely be high up the list. Bringing in Paige, Emma and Flair’s daughter from NXT would make a great deal more sense than wasting any more time with these two. Aksana had a decent match on here a few weeks ago that was completely out of character but she’s more often than not quite dangerous in the ring.

Brie makes a comeback and channels her inner Daniel Bryan. She’s started to use knees and kicks like Bryan does and hits Fox with Multiple knees to the face, but Aksana runs in so Fox can get off the ropes. Nikki and Aksana brawl ringside; Nikki hitting her with the Backbreaker rack that she uses. This sets up Fox for the weakest running knee that you’ll likely to ever see – I literally thought she was going to have to go back and do it again – but then the she hits Fox with faceplant for the win.

When Total Divas is off air, these Divas have nothing going for them. No one cared watching this; post-production, they crowd sweetened the reactions; and worst of all, these four didn’t seem to care either. There’s been much better Divas stuff on Superstars in the last six months.

Winner: Brie Bella via pinfall (4:28)

The Raw Rebound is next – Batista’s unremarkable return is the feature followed by the Big Show and Lesnar face off. Firstly, Batista looks unnaturally good for 45 here. I’m just putting it out there. Secondly, why would Brock Lesnar run away from The Big Show? Thirdly, its 2014 who really wants to see Lesnar v Show? A complete and utter waste of Lesnar.

Hunico, dressed as Sin Cara, is out next on Superstars. The real Sin Cara just did an interview this weekend claiming that he owns the character and so WWE will have to drop the gimmick soon. He claims to be done with the company, said that he never wanted to learn English because it was an “ugly language” and said that he couldn’t believe that they didn’t do more with “his image”, especially given how much Sin Cara merchandise they shift (second only to Cena). He sounds quite the employee…

Well, they’re finally listening at WWE HQ and we’re given a six-man on Superstars. Sin Cara and Los Matadores join forces to face 3MB. Which means thing: Heath’s back!

Los Matadores (w/El Torrito) & Sin Cara v 3MB

With all the makings of a fun, house show quality match, Slater and Fernando start, and Slater is instantly humiliated. He’s an awesome scum bag, cowardly heel. Still think the best thing I ever saw him do was get kicked off the apron so that his glasses pinged off and smashed; instead of clutching his face he shouted “how dare you! My glasses!” The guy is great lower card comedy heel fodder. Diego tags in, but Mahal and McIntyre rescue Slater. They do this every match: they regroup outside and point at their opposition saying nonsensical drivel and we go to a commercial.

3MB are good at building up tension with the babyfaces before the hot tag. After the ads, they have Fernando is stuck in their corner and they use quick tags to work him over. Drew is really good and shows it here. He’s got a lot about him that’s far better than his current station but, from what I’ve read, he’s OK with it. His crazy push in 2010-11 as the ‘chosen one’ was typical WWE: too much, too fast, too soon. He’ll come again, I’m sure. Jinder, the worst of the three, clears his lines, trying to punch Diego off the apron but, of course, this lets Fernando recover, hitting a last ditch Codebreaker. Which reminds me, Jericho is in Pittsburgh right now. I’d happily see him do a 20 minute stint; guy knows exactly how to work a Rumble.

So we get the hot tag: Sin Cara and McIntyre come in. Sin Cara is all pace here and shows how he’s doing the best he can with this gimmick. He’s heavier and less agile than the real Sin Cara and he’s clearly too old to be working this kind of style for long. The finish is cool: they are both on the outside of the ring on the apron after having cleared the ring and he hits an enziguiri on Drew, so that he falls back into the ring over the top rope. He got a great connection on it and Drew sold it perfectly. This sets up the Swanton Bomb and he covers Drew for the win.

Winners: Los Matadores & Sin Cara via pinfall (7:17)

The show finishes with the end of the Kofi v Orton match from Raw and runs into Cena’s brawl with Randy all over the stadium to set up their match for this Sunday.

James Cox | @wweukblog 

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