WWE: Superstars TV Report: 28th November 2013

This week’s show was the ideal Thanksgiving show: clean, fun, family-friendly, yet thoroughly entertaining. Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

Fandango and Summer Rae kick off the show for the second consecutive week with their entrance. Again, tiny pockets of yokels are found in the nose-bleeds half-heartedly doing the dance for our viewing pleasure. Tom Philips and Alex Riley wish us a happy Thanksgiving and Riley produces a frozen turkey from under the announce table. I have no idea why – it wasn’t funny – he came off like a weirdo. He’s cut off by Zack Ryder’s music who makes his way to the ring to zero reaction to face Fandango.

Zack Ryder v Fandango (with Summer Rae)

At the bell, in typical Superstars fashion, both men pause to show off to the crowd: Fandango wiggles his hips and Ryder fists pumps and shouts ‘woo, woo, woo!’ They lock up and Fandango backs Ryder into the corner and hits him with a shoulder to the midsection and a few strikes to the head. He Irish whips him and Ryder reverses, hitting him with a flapjack followed by a nicely placed drop kick. He then climbs the ropes, trapping his opponent, and punches him in the corner but Fandango, in a clever move, ducks under his legs and yanks Ryder to the mat.

Fandango kicks and stomps Ryder who gets to his feet only to eat a spinning heel kick. He goes for a cover but Ryder kicks out at two for the first near fall of this short match. Fandango is in great shape but is looking a little heavier around the waist this week.

Philips asks Riley who should be the one champion of the WWE (remember this is recorded before Raw, so Philips must have known that it was a unification match, even if it wasn’t clear on Raw) and Riley says that Orton should be “because he’s been the face of the company for the last six months and has the backing of the authority”. Huh. What a terrible opinion.

Fandango continues to dominate with chops to Ryder followed by a hard Irish whip into the corner. Fandango then catches him with a reverse chin lock – yes, the WWE Superstars go-to move. Ryder tries to power his way out with punches and, out of a whip, sends Fandango face-first into the mat. He climbs the second rope and brings up his knees to block the charge of Fandango. Then he hits him with a missile drop kick from the middle rope and waits in the corner, poised to hit the Broski Boot.

The finish sees Ryder set up for the Rough Ryder (which he normally misses first time) and hits it, covers Fandango and gets the three count. So, Fandango is now jobbing to Zack Ryder on Superstars! This was a very short match even by Superstars standards.

Winner: Zack Ryder via pinfall (2:35)

The Raw Rebound is next – and the last thing we need on this of all weeks is another opportunity to watch segments from a god-awful Raw! However, all the comedy segments are ignored and we’re shown the making of the double title match with Orton, Cena and The Authority followed by the handicap match between Punk & Bryan and The Wyatts.

Out next on Superstars are The Usos who have been given some nice spots of late and have benefitted from more TV/ppv exposure. They generally get over well with live crowds and especially do well in this pre-Raw slot where crowds are getting revved up for the show. Their opponents tonight are The Real Americans. No time for a promo from Zeb this week – there must be so much great stuff to show us from Raw this week…

The Real Americans (with Zeb Colter) v The Usos

Cesaro and Jimmy start things off and Jimmy uses a side headlock and shoulder tackle out of the Irish whip. He goes for the cover and gets a one count. An angry Cesaro gets to his feet and kicks Jimmy in the stomach and smacks with a forearm to the back of the head and then applies a side headlock of his own. Out of the whip, Cesaro tries to copy Jimmy’s shoulder tackle and does so, stopping to place his hand on his heart and say ‘we the people’ but Jimmy then plants him with an uppercut.

I like how The Usos are improving. The rarely work poor tag matches these days. Cesaro should turn babyface – people chant along with him when he says ‘we the people’ because they like him, they don’t when Swagger does it.

Jey tags in and he climbs up to the top rope for a double axe handle to Jey’s left arm. Jey follows with a snap mare and, running the ropes, uses a neat sliding clothesline on Cesaro. He goes for a cover but only gets a near fall. Jey rings the arm and Jimmy tags back in. He repeats the same process, going to the top rope for a double axe handle to Cesaro’s left arm. He rings the arm again but this time Cesaro hits him with a knee to the midsection and a European uppercut. Jimmy comes back with a punch and chop followed by a side headlock as the crowd start to chant “Uoos – O!” Cesaro breaks out of the headlock, Irish whips Jimmy and catches him with a tilt-a-whirl back breaker. Swagger finally tags in.

Swagger immediately catches Jimmy with a belly-to-belly slam. He picks up Jimmy by the hair and sends him through the ropes to the floor and tags in Cesaro.

On commentary, Phillips is listing Swagger’s decorated past, naming the ECW championship. It occurred to me that many youngsters watching this on a Saturday morning will have no clue what that was or means. As we go to the break, Cesaro charges Jimmy with a three-point stance clothesline.

After the commercials, Swagger is in the ring and has a hold of Jimmy, punching him to mat. He gets to his feet and Jimmy punches and chops Swagger but Swagger runs Jimmy into the corner. Cesaro heels as the referee is dealing with Swagger’s over-aggression and chokes Jimmy using the top rope. Swagger then hits him with a double jump Swagger Bomb and Cesaro tags in and follows it with a leap frog double stomp for a near fall.

Cesaro then applies a reverse chin lock and Jimmy escapes but Cesaro catches him as he tries to leap for the tag. Swagger is tagged in and Cesaro catapults Jimmy to Swagger for a power slam and a near fall. Swagger now applies a front face lock on Jimmy who tries to get to his corner but Swagger pulls him into the centre of the ring. His attempt to escape is now to use a sunset flip, which he gets a near fall with, but Swagger lands him with a knee to the midsection.

Cesaro tags in and hits a leg drop for another near fall as the match gathers pace and Jimmy continues to play the babyface in peril. Swagger comes in and they hit a double back elbow and Swagger goes for the cover, getting a near fall. Swagger then uses an arm bar, Cesaro tags in but Jimmy gets him with a kick to the shoulder and he avoids the charging Swagger by pulling down the ropes so that he goes to the floor outside the ring. To make things even more convenient, Jimmy is able to dodge Cesaro who misses a Stinger splash to the corner.

Jimmy crawls across the ring to try to make the tag but Swagger tags in and he tries to knock Jey off the apron but Jey moves and Swagger hits the turnbuckles. Finally, Jey tags in and he hits a clothesline on Swagger, running over to knock Cesaro off the apron, hitting another clothesline on Swagger as he turns around. He then uses the savate kick and an uppercut (reminiscent of Goldust) followed by a Samoan drop out of the Irish whip.

Most Uso matches finish like this and we’re not disappointed: Jey dives over the top rope and hits a plancha that pretty misses Swagger outside; he rolls Swagger back into the ring and he hits the running butt splash (the Stinkface tribute that they always do) on him in the corner but only gets a near fall because Cesaro breaks it up. Jimmy then sends Cesaro over the top rope to the floor which leaves Jimmy and Jey to hit a double super kick and then Jimmy hits a plancha onto Cesaro outside while Jey hits the Superfly splash about a mile across the ring for the win. A really fun match as always from these four. I like what The Usos are capable of but they tend to work by numbers now, particularly in their finishes.

Winners: The Usos via pinfall (7:53)

This was a clean, wholesome and fun Thanksgiving edition of WWE Superstars that would lighten any WWE fan’s mood during this holiday season. The show closes out with the end of the tag match between Cena & Big Show and Del Rio & Orton, focusing on the concussion angle.

– By James Cox

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